Teen Wolf 318 vs 401
THE BEST THING ABOUT THIS IS THAT IT IS ALL LIES. Let’s break it down:
1. Skinny: Notttt reallyyyy. You know he’s ripped, dog.
2. Defenseless: just untrue and you know it. Teeth aren’t the only way. I mean, cross Stiles or anyone he loves and he’ll ruin your credit and probably cut your brake lines, like basically straight up murder you, but yeah, sure, he’s a powder puff.
3. Downer: IS Derek a downer? The very existence of Derek IS a downer, but as a person…. I mean, given the CONTEXT of Derek’s tragic history, he’s actually generally pretty okay. He barely ever complains about stuff, just gets on with it.
4. No sense of humor: UnTRUE. ONE MILLION PERCENT Slander. This no fit!! Shouldn’t you be in school! No one likes you, Peter! Those little kids with an unforgettable Halloween memory! (also important in re: is Derek a downer, above.) Derek is at the very LEAST wry at all times and you know it.
5. Poor conversationalist: IS he? Is he really? Maybe? Not really? Are you spending a lot of time trying to have deep conversations with Derek?
Now that I’ve written this, I realize that also both of these sound like they’re primarily running down a checklist for a personal ad, like Derek is worrying about Stiles’ LUVMATE+ profile (your online werewolf dating site), where Derek reads (and sighs over) a lot of ads like:
I am a 200lb alpha and will protect your home and litter at all costs, and I also enjoy quiet evenings at home with a movie.
and is thus all “Stiles…..skinny! Defenseless! He could definitely NOT defend a small cave or rocky outcropping, a sandy burrow or a tumbledown shack in the woods. Probably.”
Meanwhile, I have to assume that Stiles’ NEXT complaint about Derek is that he doesn’t even like sunsets or long walks on the beach.